Arthur Feels Pretty
by Afrokitty
Summary: Arthur is feeling the strain as king and Merlin comes up with a "pretty" novel way for him to relieve stress. An attempt at humour.


Arthur is feeling the strain as king and Merlin comes up with a "pretty" novel way for him to relieve stress. I was going to write this a long time ago for the open your dictionaries challenge, but I actually forgot. I decided to finally write it. The word I got was pretty and I decided to do a kind of remake of the hilarious scene from anger management where Jack Nicholson makes Adam Sandler sing "I feel pretty" from Westside story. Basically Merlin is Jack and Arthur is Adam. This is an attempt at humour, if it was successful is up to you to judge.

Disclaimer: Merlin + Anger Management + I Feel Pretty = not mine

Arthur was under a lot of pressure. His duties as king had run him ragged, foreign dignitaries were arriving soon to discuss his peace proposition and Morgana still lived and breathed, enough said. So it wasn't surprising he'd become a little touchy. The servants who cowered as he walked by and the nobles who watched him with silent apprehension were clearly overreacting. He admitted he may have been a little harsh when he put that serving boy in the stocks for spilling wine after he'd startled him by throwing that knife. But honestly, when a man is concentrating on important political matters he doesn't want to be distracted by stupid questions like "Would you like some more, Sire?" Even if it was at the dinner table.

Merlin began mentioning that maybe Arthur's temper was becoming a problem. Subtly at first.

"You know, Arthur, I've heard volcanoes erupt when a build up of pressure causes magma to burst out when it doesn't have a safe outlet."

"Merlin, as fascinating as your auditory geological pursuits are, perhaps a better use of your time would be ensuring the knights' armour is shining for tomorrow's tournament instead of inundating me with useless snippets of information."

"Arthur, you can't b..."

"GO!"

And then not so subtly.

"He can't breathe, Sire, perhaps you should put him down and take a moment to compose yourself?"

The day finally came for the dignitaries to arrive. Arthur was in fine form, roaring fit to make a Dragonlord proud and chucking things at anyone unfortunate to stand still long enough to present a target. Chiefly Merlin but not exclusively. During a particularly violent whirlwind of blunt and sharp projectiles, Merlin ducked out of the room only to return minutes later holding a small scroll of paper and a hand mirror.

"Merlin! I didn't give you permission to just up and leave! For that you'll be taking over all the stable hands' duties for a month." Started as a roar but dying off as he took in his appearance in the mirror held before him. Bright red face, wild hair, flying spittle, eyes blazing with rage. Oh... not good.

"Sire, you need to calm down or you'll start a war which will threaten everything you've worked for since you became king."

"I am calm, Merlin." Said through gritted teeth.

A servant appeared in the open doorway.

"They're here, Sire." The man stated timidly.

"Great! I should be down there greeting my guests not here plagued by the utter incompetence of my staff!" The poor man fled to escape a braining.

Panting hard, Arthur stared down at the silver jug gripped tightly in his fist. He blinked.

"Perhaps I could be calmer."

Merlin grinned gleefully.

"I have just the thing."

He guided Arthur to a chair after carefully taking the jug from him.

He placed the scroll in Arthur's hand and leaned against the chair so his face was close to Arthur's, who unrolled the scroll disinterestedly. Until his eyes bugged slightly.

"Merlin. What on _Earth _is this?" Deceptively calm.

Merlin was fighting unsuccessfully to keep a straight face.

"It's a song, Sire."

"And what makes you think there's any chance of me singing this?"

"Because, the whole of Camelot is at stake." Arthur stared amazedly at his friend.

"What a load of rot, Merlin. You truly are an absolute moron."

"If you don't control yourself, you risk provoking four of the most powerful leaders in the world. What do you think the consequences of that would be?" Merlin stared into Arthur's eyes seriously. Arthur floundered under his gaze.

"Fine!" he snarled, straightening the paper with snap. Merlin grinned delightedly while Arthur cleared his throat. Merlin waited a moment but it was clear Arthur wasn't about to start singing. He lent forward.

"Bum, bum, buuuum," He sang and indicated Arthur to start. Arthur just stared, looking extremely uncomfortable. Merlin smiled.

"Bum, bum, buuuum," Arthur shook his head slightly in horror. Merlin sighed.

"_Bum, bum, buuuum_," Arthur relented.

"I feel pretty...oh so pretty,' quiet, high-pitched and horribly slow Arthur began singing. He paused, Merlin gave him an encouraging look.

"I feel ...pretty and witty ...and...gaaaay," Merlin smiled hearteningly.

"And I pity... aaany girl ...who isn't me... today,"

"Lalalalalalaaalaalaa!" Merlin sang suddenly and loudly in a surprising baritone. Arthur froze in shock, staring at Merlin like he'd announced he was really a woman. Merlin smiled almost manically, Arthur turned away without comment. He singing got more rhythmic and high-pitched.

"I feel charming, oh so charming, it's alarming how charming I feeeeeeel...and so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real."

"Lalalalalalaaalaalaa!"

"See that pretty girl in the mirror there!"

"What mirror?! Where?!" Merlin interjected so suddenly Arthur jumped.

"Who can that attractive girl be?" Arthur started to smile.

"Which one?! Where?! Hum!"

They alternated, increasing volume and pitch.

"Such a pretty face!"

"Hum!"

"Such a pretty dress!"

"Hum!"

"Such a pretty smile!"

"Hum!"

And together!

"Such a pretty faaaacccccceeeee!"

"Huuuuuuuuuuuum!"

"Yesss" Arthur hissed handing the paper back to Merlin, who handed it straight back. Arthur looked like he wanted to murder his friend.

The alternated again!

"I feel stunning!"

"Feel stunning!"

"And entrancing!"

"And entrancing!"

Together again!

"Feel like running and dancing for joy!" Arthur's voice was near ear splittingly shrill as they hit the crescendo.

"For I'm loooved by a pretty wonderful boooooooooy!"

Merlin was grinning ear to ear, whilst Arthur sat unable to believe what just happened. Merlin slapped his shoulder.

"Well? Feel better?" Arthur snapped awake.

"No I don't, Merlin! And if you ever breathe a word of this to anyone you'll clean out Gaius' leech tank with your tongue!" Merlin made a mock grossed out expression.

"That's a bit extreme, Sire."

"No, it isn't! Why do you even have that song?" Merlin shrugged, happily noting the disgruntled king was acting his usual self not a crazed lunatic.

"You'd better hurry, Arthur. Your guests are waiting. Here," handing him a comb and a towel to freshen his appearance.

"Right," Arthur was making his way out the door when he stopped.

"Oh, and Merlin? I am never singing that again. If Camelot falls so be it."

Merlin was privately glad. The king's voice was terrible.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed =)


End file.
